So, I've had struggles with my eating for as long as I can remember. There's always something that triggers habits of binge/restrict cycle. Only this year.... Things have really taken off on that front. Especially the restricting side of things. Eating little or nothing at all for a month. And then... Binge cycle. Feel bad about the binge. Restrict. Rinse. Repeat.
The biggest challenge in front of me now is treatment. Therapy is beginning to feel a whole lot more like an eating contest. "Is this enough" is a reoccurring thought that never seems to go away and gets worse after every session. It feels like huge pressure to eat, not for myself, but what the therapist and others want. It's nothing but pressure to eat, and Ka-Pow! Binge. Why is it that therapy needs to feel like an eating contest? I'm not here to set an eating record. This isn't about food itself. It's the emotions, it's the memories, and action urges behind what's going on. Food itself plays a part of obsessions and compulsions that lead to what's going on. It is not, however, a challenge of "is this enough for you?"
There needs to be a radical change in how people with eating disorders and disordered eating are seen. We can't just start eating as people want us to, and we can't force ourselves to eat healthy or anything at all, or stop binging just because either want it. I bought food to binge on today. Not to try it for the sake of trying to see if it is something I'd like, but because intense binging urges took over and couldn't help it.
A radical part of change here is encouraging us to take small steps towards recovery, not beat us over the head with the message that we have to eat. While it is important for us to be reminded of it, it isn't eight to heat us over the head with the message, as it just leads to shame and guilt, as well as inevitable binging or even more intense restricting. A lot of professionals seem to lose the sight of us being human and not just a list of symptoms that have to be treated.